Reese Kaplan -- So What If the Mets Sold Stadium Naming Rights?

Given the losing streak marked by the invisible offense, torturous defense and uneven pitching it would be very easy to create a point by point analysis of what has gone wrong and why.  Believe me, countless fans, writers and professional baseball media outlets are already doing that slog through the mire and frankly it is hard to come up with something totally original or insightful to say in that regard.

Instead, let us focus our creative energies in a more acerbic and dark direction by following up on this weekend’s announcement that the Los Angeles Dodgers have capitulated to the easy money grab of selling the naming rights to their playing field which follows suit now with 23 of the 30 professional teams.  You’d think that with the deep pockets of the ownership and the post season revenues that have come into Chavez Ravine’s Dodgers coffers that this move is nothing more than a conspicuous and somewhat embarrassing means of passing out the hat taking big dollar donations for renaming the home of the boys in blue. 

Since Steve Cohen has yet to succumb to this same transparent greed methodology, it does call to mind the question of what would make for an appropriate Mets naming deal to reflect exactly what the team represents and fitting for how they’re performing on the national stage.  Let’s have a look:

Bacardi 151 Field

In the realm of drinking heavily which is perhaps the only way to view the current Mets team we could propose a sponsor of the special Bacardi 151 rum which is rated at just over 75% alcohol.  Not only would it be helpful in obliterating all sense of rational thought, but it could also relieve the brain from focusing on its suffering. 

Alka Seltzer Stadium

In the more medicinal realm, perhaps it would be time to revive the old “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” slogan that helped make Alka Seltzer famous for its ability to relieve the headache, heartburn and indigestion caused by indulging in things not necessarily good for you.  It’s a well known product and regarded as effective at what it is designed to do.

ZzzQuil Mets

Continuing down this health oriented path, another option might be Proctor and Gamble’s popular ZzzQuil to help induce restful sleep, available even in a non-threatening gummy form that resembles candy.  Since the club is apparently sleepwalking through most of its games recently it seems that a parallel effect should also be made available to the fans, too.

Carson Coliseum

Finally, for the folks looking to salvage some silver lining from the otherwise less than glittering performances, maybe they need to consider the name of one of their starting players, Carson.  However, in this case it has a lot less to do with the unproductive hitting of the outfielder and more aligned with the major American manufacturer of magnifying products who might help folks identify something as yet unseen that would make these games worth watching. 

So have at it.  If the Mets were to join the sell out crowd collecting money for stadium naming rights who would be a good and appropriate sponsor to engage for this new Mets team identity?