Reese Kaplan - "If You Choose Not to Decide, You Still Have Made a Choice"

I got to wondering how that recent promotion of Lamar Johnson by Sandy Alderson following Dave Hudgens’ dismissal came to pass.  It might have gone something like this:

Ring, ring….

“Hello.”

“Lamar, my man.  How’s life treating ya?”

Staring into the phone, “Who is this?  How did you spoof Mr. Alderson’s caller ID?”

“No, Lamar, it is Sandy Alderson.  Really.  Remember how I got you to pick up the check at the last minor league dinner with the other guys?”

“Oh yes, Mr. Alderson.  I remember!”

“Call me Sandy, son. “

“To what do I owe the honor of this call, Mr. Alder…Sandy?”

“Well, Lamar, we got trouble, right here in River City.  It starts with T that rhymes with D that stands for Dave…Hudgens, that is.”

Lamar Johnson clears his throat and said, “I have seen you’re having some trouble scoring runs, Sir.”

“Sir?  What’s with all this ‘Sir’ formality.  I told you you to call me Sandy.”

“OK, Sandy.  So what’s up with Mr. Hudgens?”

“Well, Lamar, I’m not gonna lie to you.  Things are not good.  They’re bad.  Really bad.  The team’s not winning, the hitters are striking out more than ever, the bullpen’s a mess and the media is crucifying us.  Even worse, those fans are so fickle.  After three straight years of losing, you’d think they’d be used to it.  All of the sudden they’re not going to the games.  They’re not watching on TV.  They’re not listening on the radio.  Hell, it’s gotten so bad they’re looking at HOCKEY!”

“Well, Sandy, winning solves everything.  You’ve been around the game long enough to know that.”

“Yeah, I know, I know…but the problem is we stink…from top to bottom.  We got a first baseman big as Paul Bunyan and he looks like Carlos Beltran facing Adam Wainwright up there.  Murphy’s doing great, but pretty soon he’s gonna earn too much for Fred and the Golden Child to pay him.  Shortstop?  Don’t even go there!  Wright’s driving in runs but all you hear is ‘How come he can’t hit home runs at CitiField’?”  Travis d’Arnaud seems to have forgotten how to hit the ball – and that was before taking the bat to the head!  Chris Young is hitting worse than Eric Young, if that’s even possible.  Juan Lagares has made some good strides and Curtis Granderson finally seems like he’s coming around but he’s lost the fans already due to his Arctic start.”

“So what are you going to do, Sandy?”

“Well, you need to understand the business.  Terry Collins does what I tell him to do, but he’s losing the writers, the fans and the clubhouse.  Still, we gave him that two-year extension and salary increase, so his job is safe…for now, anyway.  That leaves Mr. ‘Take Long At-Bats’ who has made us go backwards.  I don’t know what I ever saw in him.”

“So what are you telling me, Sandy…you’re gonna let him go?”

“One thing I learned in the Marines is accountability.  I made a mistake.  I’ve got to own up to it, cut my losses and move on.  Hudgens is history.”

“OK, I understand that thinking, Sandy, but won’t a new hitting coach still have the same underperforming roster of talent?”

“No, see, that’s the beauty of this move, Lamar.  I get someone to take over for Hudgens and it’s immediately going to buy us some good PR.  It’s addition by subtraction.  We take away the guy whose hitting philosophy isn’t working, bring in any warm body and the media will eat it up!  They’ll tell the world we’re serious about winning.  That ought to buy us time to shake things up at the All-Star break.  Then we can get rid of some of the dead weight.”

“So who is the sacrificial lamb you have in mind for this job?  Realize that if things keep going like they’re going, he’ll be blamed for it.”

“You keep missing the genius of it.  I DON’T GET BLAMED!  They’ll take it out on the new guy.”

“I can see how you can spin it that way. I guess you’d get the same media bounce if you dumped Mr. Collins in August, too.”

“Now you’re thinking…and it’s that kind of sharp mind that I’ve admired for a long time and why I want you to be the new hitting coach.  Think about it, Lamar – you’ll be a legend in New York City, revered just like HoJo.”

(silence)

“Lamar, are you still there?”

“Yes, Sandy…I honestly don’t know what to say.” 

“Well, don’t worry about that.  That’s why I have that stooge Collins to face the media for me.  And when the time is right, he’ll get the blame for not doing anything with the vast array of talent I’ve given him.  After all, the manager can’t fire the GM, right, Lamar?”

“I appreciate the faith you have in me and I’m glad for the opportunities the Mets have given me over the past few years working with the kids in the minors, but I’ll probably do more good for you in that role than in the new one.”

(silence)

“Ummm….Mr. Alderson…Sandy???”

“Does the phrase ‘chain of command’ mean something to you, Lamar?  You said you like working for the Mets.  Well, the Mets have liked having you work for us.  And if we both want to keep this mutually satisfying relationship going, then there’s nothing left for us to say.  You’ll get along great with Terry.  He love his graybeards.  I’ll see you in Queens tomorrow.  Are we clear, Lamar?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Oh, before you leave the minors, tell Wally we already put his t-shirts up for sale at CitiField.  He’ll know what that means.”