Shut Er' Down

No discussion, no regrets. Stuff happens, and seasons change. Okay, maybe a little discussion.

The Mets are 7.5 behind the Phillies and maybe… maybe… they get two players back in July. The bats have no pop and the pitchers don’t command. Seasons come and seasons go, and this one should go on the DL.

No problem, no panic, and no anger. Change the plan and look to the future.

Some suggestions:

1. Don’t play anybody you want to keep for the 2010 team. We don’t want to write about anymore injuries so stop pitching Johan, sit down David, and… err… well, that’ll do it.

2. Forget calling the other teams and asking them if they want to trade for Hernandez, Sheffield, and company. Start a blog, open an IGT, and email all the GM’s and tell them to meet you there.

3. Order some more grass and bring in the fences in left center, and right center. Do it, like two inches a day so no one notices.

4. Reduce the cheap tickets 50% for the remainder of the year. The quickest way to win the fans back is not winning games. Fill their stomachs.

5. Change the name of the stadium to Shea. Make believe you never built anything. Just hang up the old signs out front and take down all that Dodger stuff. I want to see pictures of Marv Throneberry and Choo Choo Coleman, not Dazzy Vance.

6. Sign that guy that lied to the Yankees that he was some international superstar. Give him a new name. Try Barry Bonds. It could use a workover.

7. Let’s play ‘Find A First Baseman’ for the remainder of the season. Play David there for a week, then Frency. Put Murphy back in left. And return Evans to third base.

8. Shut down the home office for the season. Have you ever looked at the media guide? Can you believe how many non-baseball suits they have? Like, maybe, five times the roster? Do they really need all these people to come in fourth

9. Name Jay Horowitz the new manager. He’s been around there since dirt and knows who to play where.

10. And, bring back Bobby Bonilla. We could use a good card game about now.