Anonymous Messages - by Mack Ade

Anonymous Messages

By Mack Ade  11-28-11

Who sends these things?

My writers here on Mack’s Mets try very hard to come up with something both authentic as well as entertaining and there’s always a couple of nameless people that take this as an opportunity to not to attack the content, but to go after the writer.

Is Mack’s Mets’ National Geographic?

I’ve decided to do some research here and hired the services of my Ozone Park’s top hacker, Joey Two-Boards, to help me pull the IP addresses out from these individuals and identify who they are and where they are coming from.

Are they home office people? Could they be beat writers? Are any of them named Toby? So many questions.

What I can report is the following:

1. They are devout cowards. They hide behind their anonymity, even if I did spell that word wrong.

2. At last count, none of them have had an improper sexual relationship with Herman Cain. Yet.

3. A couple of them apply the Associated Press version of the English language, if you know what I mean.

4. Most seem to be stunads who’s most important task they perform all day is this action. Nice way of saying they are really fucking stupid.

5. All of them couldn’t go two rounds with the writers they are attacking.

6. Let’s get back to Cain…  all of them are less six inches.

7. None… I repeat, none…  have ever played a single inning of minor league or major league baseball.

8. A couple go back as far as my NYFS and Mofo days. That’s a long time for someone to hate someone they have never met or talked to their entire life.

9. None have a life.

10. And none would meet Frank, Charlie, and I, on 101^st Avenue and 95^th Street next Saturday night at 11pm so we could express ourselves properly on this subject.