12/20/11

Mack Ade - The End Of Days


The End Of Days
By: Mack Ade – 12-19-11

This is my holiday message to you.
Better Mets times are coming.
The organized crime-like Wilpon era will be coming to an end well before the retirement party for Bud Seliq.
The Mets will receive their latest loan from a private bank that has been guaranteed back payment by MLB.
Press, fan, and investment reaction to Selig’s special treatment of his good buddy Fred Wilpon will force a showdown at the Board level.
The Mets will officially be placed on the market through a joint announcement by Selig and Wilpon. Sandy Alderson will be conspicuously absent at the press conference
Saul Katz will jointly announce his retirement from the Board of Directors of the New York Mets.
Selig will announce prior to the official sale of the Mets that Alderson will replace him as Commissioner of Baseball upon his retirement at the end of 2012. Alderson will join MLB immediately to work with Selig during the transition and Paul DePodesta will be named the new GM of the Mets. DePodesta will be given an iron-clad three year contract that must be honored as a condition of the sale of the team.
Mets EVP of Business Operations David Howard will announce that he is leaving the Mets to become the CEO of an organization that was formed to bring back Palisades Amusement Park in Palisades, New Jersey.
Old guard media maven, Jay Horowitz, will announce his retirement and he and his family will move to Israel to become the Media Director of the newly formed IBL (Israeli Baseball League) that begins its first season in 2013.
The Mets will be sold to Saudi billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, who recently invested $300 million dollars into Twitter. The actual price of the sale will not be announced since most of the money will be paid to people that were owned money by the Mets. The remaining funds will be paid in subway tokens for the Wilpons to use upon their departure from the home office.
Executive Vice President for Baseball Operations for Major League Baseball, Joe Torre, will resign and will retire to write the first of many books that will be published about the Wilpon-era of Mets baseball.
The New York Mets will limp through the first half of the 2012 season with its current squad, finishing eight games out of first place at the all-star break.
Attendance will be maxed out with Talal’s reduction of 2012 ticket prices to $10 a seat for all unsold seats in all sections. Current ticket season holders will be rebated the difference of what they had paid under the Wilpon management team and all available seats will be sold beginning on the day of the game over their newly created website that replaced MetsBlog as the official blog of the Mets. The new site will be headed by legendary Mets blogger, Vegas Nipplerod.
The Talal-led Mets will buy out the remaining contracts of C A.J. Pierzynski, 2B Orlando Hudson, LF Carlos Lee, SP Carlos Zambrano, and CL Kyle Farnsworth. All will be given contracts that expire at the end of the 2012 season. The purchase will be designed to help the Mets make the playoffs in 2012.
LF Jason Bay, SP R.A. Dickey, and SP Johan Santana will be released, while 3B David Wright will sign a 5-year, $100mil renewal contract. Wright will also be paid $1 a year as VP of Players, a new position that is designed to eventually have Wright join the front office upon his retirement.
Finally, the Mets will sign 2B Robinson Cano, C Brian McCann, CFs Michael Bourne and BJ Upton , and CL Matt Capps in the 2012-2013 off-season.
May Peace Be With You.

no animals were hurt during the writing of this post...

5 comments:

Charles said...

You had me in the beginning, but lost me soon after you mentioned Prince Akeem of Zumunda or whatever the heck he was the prince of.

David Groveman said...

Mack got a hold of my secret stash of crazy

David Groveman said...

Why did we drop Dickey?

Michael Scannell said...

One can only hope these bums are shown the door.

Jack Flynn said...

Oh, if only ...