New Rules



Metroactive

 New Rules:



1. There will actually be a chain-in-command where low-level important people report to middle-level important people, who report to very important people, who report to the General Manager. Where it goes from there is still anybody’s guess.



2. The General Manager will pick the field manager, who will pick, the coach’s, who will coach the players. How friggin’ unique is that?

3. The minor league coaching system will report directly to the Director of Minor League Operations, which will be housed in Florida, not New York



4. The Mets will begin the process of making the blogger and sabremetric community more acceptable. No, the owner of www.jeffwilponeatsass.com will still not get press passes.

5. Mets employees in superior roles will not be allowed to ride around the complex, with their shirt off, shouting out ethnic slurs in Spanish.



6. All new Mets signees will first have to attend a six-week indoctrination program designed to improve themselves both in mind and body… at Parris Island, South Carolina.



7. The head of the Mets’ media department, Jay Horowitz, will retire and be replaced by an I-Pod and the San Diego Chicken.



8. All Mets top level suits will have to sign an agreement that they will not sign any free agents over the age of 28 to a contract of more than two years, unless the person who does the signing personally guarantees the length of the agreement.



9. Following a recent policy change that you don’t have to have ties to the Brooklyn Dodgers, new Mets coaches will not have to have played baseball in the past for the New York Mets.



10. And, I, my computer, and the horse I rode in on, will flap my ears and fly to the moon.