Tom Brennan - THE DAY THE OFFENSE STOOD STILL

Those of you old enough May remember having watched the original version of the movie, THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, shown on The Million Dollar Movie, back when a million bucks was the cost of filming big motion pictures.  Great flick.

The Mets, every year, have reruns of their own flick, called:

THE DAY THE OFFENSE STOOD STILL.

The morons who run the team never seem to comprehend that a high functioning offense is often a thing of fragile beauty, and adding crappy hitters into the mix willy-nilly can stall an offense faster that water in a fuel line. 

Oh, I'm sorry, I said "morons."  I meant to say MORONS!!!!

This year, the offense was purring like a finely tuned Maserati, Jeff and Pete were Rockin' and Rollin', and runs a'scorin', fast and furious.

Then the MORONS injected water into the fuel line...deliberately. They thought they were injecting a fuel additive. But it was just water. Always check the fine print.

Turd Frazier, you see, was hitting slightly above the Mendoza Line in extended A ball rehab, while JD Davis was hitting like David Wright in his prime for the Mets.  

So what did the MORONS do? Put the Terrible Turd (lifetime as a Met: .208) right into the line up, daily, and sat the scorching hot JD. 

"Sputter, sputter, cough" went the finely tuned Maserati engine.

MORONS never quite understand that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

They also fail to understand that "if it IS broke, FIX THE DARNED THING FAST."

Keon the K showed early on that his worst-in-the-game K problem had not been corrected in the off season. So he naturally continues to strike out 40% of the time up. 

The MORONS think, "let's see how much bad hitting we can keep around, and experiment a bit, shall we? If we inject enough dirty water into the offense's veins, can we almost kill the patient and somehow still win?  Let's see, shall we"?  

I mean, why not call up accomplished major league veterans Rajai Davis or Carlos Gomez when you have Keon the K, right?  Heck, why not send down the .192 Brandon Nimmo, who has hit after a frigid streak to open the season, followed by a good streak to get him to .250, then gone an engine-seizing 0 for 24 in his last 8 games?   0 for 24 is for teams trying to score big in the draft lottery.  Maybe that is the Mets' goal?

Give Nimmo a week or two to right his ship in AAA, where he is not killing the Mets in the standings.

And let's make it more interesting...let's call up Tomas Nido, a proven non-hitter.  Not true, exactly - so far, he's proven he can hit in the .170s.

Oh, and we know Jeff McNeil continue to really hit, but after 3 hits Saturday night, let's sit him and have these 5 impotent bats in the line up: Keon, Turd, Nido, Lagares, and Vargas, right?  An experiment in zero gravity OFFENSE conducted by the researchers from MORON ENTERPRISES.

Oh, wait, while the offensive engine is on the verge of seizing, let's send down one of the most productive hitters, Dom Smith, rather than keeping him here and carving out more ABs for him, defense be damned.  "SPUTTER. SPUTTER, POOF!"

Enter the medical examiner...."The patient, Mr Mets Offense, died from moronic dirty water injections. How tragic and unfortunate.  It may be a homicide...dust for fingerprints."

Two years ago, different actors, similar experiment...it was playing Jose Reyes and Curtis Granderson the entire month of April, as they hit .100. What a neat experiment in season seize-ups!!! 

Last year, the MORON experiment was, "can the Mets win if we have lots of guys totaling 20% of the team's entire at bats for the season hit .198?  I dunno, but this should be fun, let's try it."  Answer: NO.

Don't get me started on the pitching.  I don't like to type too much.

So, let me finish by getting back to the 2019 offense...non-morons would have recalled Turd Frazier (you had to) but SAT HIM and kept playing the hot JD Davis; would have banished Keon the K as Kwickly as possible, allowing someone who can actually hit to play: and would not have made up moronic line ups like Sunday.

I even would have stuck with TDA longer to see if his previously decent bat could be revived, rather than rapidly replace him with a guy (Nido, career .176) whose short career offensive production is about equal to Jake deGrom's hitting prowess.

You see, you just can never have enough bad hitting, can you?

The day Turd Frazier returned was the Day The Offense Stood Still. 

Oh, sure, the Mets body continued post-mortem twitching, but all vital signs ceased.  Too much injected dirty water this time. Another patient dead tragically in Metsville.

The thing about that movie? It only lasted about two hours.

This season, however, still has a mighty long way to go before the funeral. 

Will anyone attend?

"The Last Rites Happen Every Spring"...a screenplay written by MORONS.