2/3/17

Richard Herr - So Whaddya Think? - 14

6 comments
Connoisseursmanship
“So whaddya think?”
“Whaddya mean? What do I think?”
“Whaddya think about the crowd in the Mets’ outfield?”
“I think like a connoisseur,”
“I’ve never identified you as one of those. From what I can tell your tastes usually run to either the low-priced rotgut, or whatever the other guy’s buying.”
“You don’t recognize my delicate tastes.”
“I know. I know. You only eat the finest of bar peanuts.”
“I have delicate tastes when it comes to ball players.”
“So if the guy was drafted in 2009, that’s good because it was a vintage year?”
“You’re beginning to approach the idea, but from entirely the wrong angle.”
“Okay, tell me what you mean.”
“It’s like making fine wines. For instance there are the young rookies. They may have had a good half a year in A-ball and did pretty good when they went up to AA. They’re like the grapes on the vine in the late spring and the early summer. They look great. You know they’re going to grow into something. But it’s way too early to pick them.”
“I see.”
“Then there are the rookies. They have completed their stint in AAA. They have polished their skills there. They are ready to step into the majors. That’s like the grapes that are ripe. They are ready to be picked and turned into the wine.”
“You know, Citi Field is all clear grass. I don’t see any grapevines growing there.”
“Then there’s the major leaguer. He’s like the just-bottled wine. It has arrived; it is established. But we don’t know what the quality is like. The major leaguer could be a worthwhile utility guy. Kind of like a bottle of table wine that’s okay with a leftover dinner.”
“I’m still waiting for some reference to the Mets.”
“Then there’s the major league starter. He’s like a fine table wine you would serve when guests come.”
“Okay, I’ll go along with it. What else?”
“Then there’s the perennial all star. That’s like the great vintages, the banner years.”
“And the hall-of-famer is like the wine that’s gonna cost you a couple hundred clams a bottle.”
“Now you’re getting there.”
“What does this have to do with the right field situation?”
“You gotta look at the whole operation of the vineyard to make sure you’re putting out a proper line of products.”
“Right field? Please?”
“Let’s look at Jay Bruce. He’s a pretty good table wine, got a nice punch to his flavor. But he is blocking you from producing some more bottles, and he’s a little costly.”
“Gotta send him off.”
“You tried that and there’s no takers. They’re all saying they ain’t thirsty.”
“So whaddya do then?”
“Wait a little bit. Somebody’ll have one of their bottles break, and they’ll suddenly be real thirsty.”
“Okay, so you wanna--“
“--Then take Grandy. He’s been going along doing fine. He’s been a good wine for years. He also covers a bit more ground and goes well with more dishes. But you also gotta wonder how much wine is left there in the bottle.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then take Conforto. He’s like the grapes on the vine that sure look great, but you wonder if you shouldn’t leave them there to grow a little bit longer. But on the other hand, they might wither and die.”
“I don’t suppose--“
“--Then there’s Lagares. He covers a lot of menus, goes with a great number of different dishes. However, you gotta wonder if he packs enough punch to be an everyday wine. Maybe he’d do better at a more undemanding table.”  
“I’ll wait.”
“Then you got the other guys who are like Conforto: Nimmo, TJ, Cecchini. They’re the guys you’re waiting to pick, but you don’t think it’s quite time. But you also worry that they might wither on the vine. The question has to be should you wait on those grapes, or offer them to some other vineyard to pick.”
“I think what you’re saying is stick with Bruce for a while, until someone discovers they’ve got a need and comes calling. Have Conforto ready, but don’t leave him withering on the vine. Think about trading Lagares. Got off the pot on Nimmo, TJ, and Cecchini. Is that right?”
“Sounds good.”
“Amazing. And you did analog instead of digital. You said the whole thing without mentioning a single statistic.”
“You want me to do statistics?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, here’s a statistic for you. By my count I think it’s your round to buy.”
“I shoulda known better.”

Whenever Richard Herr isn’t solving all the Mets’ problems, he spends his time writing humorous science fiction novels.


You can see his books at https://www.amazon.com/Richard-Herr/e/B00J5XBKX4.

6 comments:

Thomas Brennan said...

We've got one or two too many left handed bottles, which means they've most likely come to the Left Coast in Napa Valley

Mack Ade said...

I quit drinking in 1984 so I can't help out here judging the best wine...

But for me, you have one first growth, two bottles of Beaujolais nouveau that hasn't aged enough, and three bottles that someone left the cork out.

Thomas Brennan said...

Mack, all of that could lead to a Ripple effect.

bill metsiac said...

Yes, as Tom said,too many lefthanded bottles. And there's talk of trading our only RIGHT-handed OF?

Reese Kaplan said...

Not enough champagne and too much ripple...that makes for a watery Champipple)...points to whomever gets the reference.

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