RECRUITER: "Sir, may I see your resume, please? Thank you. Now please have a seat."
The recruiter returns to his office and examines the resume of one Paul Sewald, and sees the following:
Career innings: 259
Career K's: 310 (10.8 per 9 innings)
Career WHIP: 1.03
Career Saves: 66 of 72 (92% success rate)
Career Record: 16-8
Career ERA: 2.19
ERA pitching in the AAA hell for pitchers known as Las Vegas: 3.24
K's pitching for Vegas hell: 83 in 67 IP
RECRUITER EMERGES: Says, "Paul, you're hired."
RECRUITER THINKS: "What on earth were we waiting for?"
To all of the above, may I (the writer) say:
Paul, congratulations on all your excellent work and on finally making the Mets, and may your career with the big club be long and prosperous. And don't let the rough first outing tonight throw you.