8/23/12

The 2012 Mets Outfield, Aug 23-Oct 3


Dear Sandy:
LF – Please play Jason Bay. Please play him every day against every pitcher. I don’t care if he ever gets another hit. He knows how to catch a ball, doesn’t he? Okay, let me re-phrase that. He knows how to catch a ball if he doesn’t run into a wall, right?
CF – Please play Mike Baxter. Please play him every day against every pitcher. He’s probably lead the team in hits during this period and he will occasionally catch a ball that could have easily went over his head for a triple. What he won’t do is play in the outfield like it’s the dark side of the moon and he’s an astronaut that never was trained to be there.
RF – Please play Scott Hairston. Please play Scott Hairston every day against every pitcher. He’s definitely lead the team in home runs and strikeouts during this period and he’ll look good in the sun.
Sub-OF – Call up Fred Lewis from Buffalo, give him a uniform, and tell him to sit near the water cooler. Then again, get the hell away from the water cooler, and cuddle up next to the coaches. His job will be to be a defensive replacement in the 9th, pinch hit, pinch run, and replace who runs into a wall.
Trade No-fielder Jordany Valdespin to Cincinnati for C Devin Mesoraco, who was just optioned to AAA. Throw in someone if necessary. Mesoraco might get a jump start on his young career, but I frankly just want Spin out of the dugout.
Recall Fernando Martinez and… err…
Release Andres Torres. Send what you owe to his Paypal account. If you’re not part of the future, you’re not part of the current, or some shit like that.
5th sub-outfielder  -  tell Justin Turner to keep him outfield glove lubed up.
Emergency plan – Insert the name Lucas Duda into any name other than the guy sitting next to the coach. You need to keep Lucas swinging a bat. That’s all he can do.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This truly is the area of the team that has destroyed this season. Yes, they knew that Duda had defensive deficiencies in right but thought if Duda could produce offensively close to what he produced in the second half of 2011, they could live with it. Well, Duda regressed significantly as an offensive player in 2012. In CF, they expected Torres to play the game smarter than Pagan did in 2011. Torres started the season injured and while Kirk, at first, filled in admirably, as the league got the book on him, his offensive play tailed off sharply as he did not adjust. When Torres finally got back in there, his play at the plate, in the field and on the basepaths has been no better than Pagan's in 2011. As for Bay, they figure his play couldn't be worse than it had been in his first two seasons and that he would contribute something. They couldn't have been more wrong. As his play completely cratered. Basically, They went 0-3 on their outfield projections and were left with what was probably their worse outfield in franchise history.

Mack Ade said...

and... just for the hell of it... they dump F-Mart... who surely would be helping right now... for nothing or no one.

I've lost the ability to reason about this outfield.

Who was supposed to be the superstar? Kirk?